Vol 2, Col 9: “Exper-tease”

I swear, everyone thinks they’re a bloody expert. Well, let me let you in on something folks – just ‘cause you read a single Wikipedia entry, watch a documentary, or peruse a National Geographic article on a given subject does NOT entitle you to a valid opinion. True, when it comes to abstract ideals like love, much of one’s perspective is formulated based on his/her feelings. Therefore, I nor the next person can justifiably tell you that your feelings are wrong as they are governed by the laws of subjectivity. Further, there is NO logic in emotion (ie: oftentimes the way you feel is not rational given the circumstances; something which I’m sure we can all attest is a “truth”). With that said, the problem I have is NOT with peoples’ feelings (who am I to judge that?). No, the issue I seem to keep encountering pertains to the breeding of ignorance and misinformation. Worse, the persons who are doing said “breeding” somehow have convinced themselves that they are worthy spokespeople on subjects in which they have little to no formal training.

Par exemple: just the other day I was watching a news broadcast about the obesity epidemic in the US. No word of a lie, the so-called “expert” they brought in claimed that a good majority of this problem could be attributed to the fact that the foods we are consuming are being cooked in plastic containers.

According to this “expert”, the plastics in which foods are packaged contain chemical compounds he has coined “obesogens” which interfere with the body’s natural homeostasis, therefore detrimentally affecting our metabolic rates (ie: the amount of calories we burn, the amount of food we need to consume to be satiated, and the amount of fat that is stored versus burned off per meal). Now, I would never discount that wrapping our foods (or anything else for that matter) in plastics is highly problematic as yes they do contain many toxins that should NOT be ingested in any capacity. HOWEVER,

 

1) this “expert”’s argument allows obese individuals to entirely skirt the blame for their situation by failing to acknowledge that it may be the ACTUAL QUALITY OF FOOD they are consuming that is at least partly to blame (not the mention their lack of exercising).

 

2) this so-called “expert” (from my reading of his bio) has NO actual qualifications in the domain of health and nutrition. In fact, he is a Professor of Surgery and holds a Masters in Business.

While medical doctors do receive some health and lifestyle training, I have it on good authority that this is a very LIMITED aspect of their seven year foray at school (as the old adage goes, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”), not to mention there is a growing proportion of doctors/clinics that have direct ties to pharmaceutical companies (for research funding purposes) making their “health advice”, I should think, at least a little bit partisan.      

If you think that I’m just picking on the media and what they choose to disseminate as “fact” however, you’re wrong. According to a seminar I attended last year put on by accredited mental health care professionals, there is a growing proportion of “average joes” engaging in self-diagnosis practices and diagnoses of their close friends and family. Christ, if we went by what everyone “claims”, we’d all be labeled as suffering from manic depression and/or obsessive compulsive disorder. But I should point out that this phenomenon is NOT exclusive to health concerns – it’s everywhere and in regards to everything, and strangely even manages to make unquestioned leaps of faith (ie: like kids who claim to be proficient and skilled musicians simply because they can rock GuitarHero or businessmen questioning their mechanics because so and so at their work, who works in a completely unrelated field I might add, said that they didn’t need to have their car’s oil changed every 5000 clicks to ensure optimal functioning….right)

Although in some ways, as a lifelong D.I.Y.-er, I find it empowering that “knowledge” is no longer relegated to the rich, super-educated or the clergy, and that we now have collaborative forms of collective experiences being shared globally, this newfound accessibility of knowledge requires the development of new abilities: namely superior b.s.-detecting skills (checking people’s credentials before taking what they say as “fact” might be a good starting place), and the learning of the differences between information, entertainment, and infotainment, especially given that “citizen journalism” has gotten such a grasp over the mainstream, and the mainstream has become corporate controlled.

Now, if you’re thinking, “Hey, wait a minute Ms. RCP, with all of this knowledge talk, you yourself are being a hypocrite,” I’d like to point out that

 

1: I’ve been hired by this fine newspaper of yours to share my OPINIONS based purely on my own observations and experiences

 

2: you are welcome to disagree with me or IGNORE me anytime, and

 

3 MOST IMPORTANTLY, I have NEVER once stated that what I’m saying is “fact” (unless it’s an observation, of course) or that I’m an expert (yes, I have knowledge in an assortment of domains, but I humbly admit there is always far more I can learn). Therefore, in conclusion, what you are reading is MY TRUTH and a truth to which I feel others may be able to relate to; hence why these articles are published in the “editorial” section.

*Little known fact about Wikipedia*: a few years back, there was a young man verging on adolescence who felt entitled to have an opinion. Claiming falsely that he was a post-graduate of several of the most prestigious academic institutes worldwide, he successfully had his incorrect “edits” on a multitude of important subjects accepted by “the free encyclopedia” and averted detection for quite some time. One has to wonder, how many people first off read his information? Worse, how many people accepted his information as “truth”, and then committed actions based on it?  Scary ain’t it?!

Vol #2, Col #8: Gimme Some "Credit"

I once knew a musician who upon receiving his O.S.A.P. cheque in the mail ventured off to his local music store and blew the whole thing on a Pearl drumkit. As for school? Well I guess you could say he equally blew that as well. Now, it goes without saying that musicians typically aren’t the most savvy when it comes to managing their finances (a quick review of MC Hammer’s history will more than demonstrate what I mean). However, this phenomenon of frivolous and irresponsible spending, especially among the student-aged population, is not exclusive to us artistic types. Case and point: I was at the bank the other day meeting with a teller regarding some business concerns, and as she relayed to me, apparently having a bank account containing several thousand bones for someone my age is somewhat of an accomplishment (accordingly it entitles you to a whole slew of benefits from the elimination of bank fees on personal accounts and annual credit cards, to automatic credit approval etc. etc., but I’m not here to advertise my bank’s services).

Realistically-speaking though, a few K is really nothing – I mean maybe a few month’s rent or a really wild party, but after that, I’d be out on my ass in the street if I didn’t manage to bring in an income some way or another. Here in lines the problem: automatic credit approval and credit cards have not only made us completely lose sight of the true value of anything monetarily-speaking, but also have and will continue to lead to economic crisis. But…is it the banks’ fault? I’d argue NOT entirely.

Banks are money-making institutions. They approve you of credit, and the longer you take to pay off your expenses, the better the business is for them. Admittedly, in recent years, several institutions got greedy and handed out credit approvals far too easily. But, look where they are now - it’s not like they didn’t get their just desserts, too. 

On the other side of the equation however, I mean stories such as the one I opened this piece with, or others wherein people change their permanent residences and phone numbers to avoid the repo-men of one institution only to have their slates wiped clean by another, are FAR too common. While in these situations, it’d be easy to blame the banks for approving said individuals in the first place as extensive employment and credit checks are supposed to be run prior to being approved for loans/grants/mortgages etc., you cannot always predict who’s just gonna take a loan and run with it. Further, when you receive advanced monies from a financial institution, you are required to sign legal documents binding you to the responsibility of paying back the monies with interest, within a certain timeframe. Therefore, the people who are taking advantage of the credit system we have in place are not only spitting in the face of the banks, but also in the face of the entire legislative structure we’ve established…not to mention they’re making it increasingly difficult for those who truly need the startup capital (ie: small business owners, students, first time homeowners or car purchasers) to get approved.

Considering that employment opportunities are increasingly being offered on a temporary contractual basis, fewer companies (unless you’re lucky enough to become government employed) are granting their employees extensive benefits packages let alone pensions, and it’s difficult to obtain executive positions without being over-credentialized and paying your dues with a company for quite some time (partly because of the eradication of mandatory retirement), relying on plastic for everything (which by definition means putting off all expenses to a future time when you hope to have more money) is not a smart idea for anyone. Further, buying “toys” with money that could be put away for serious and meaningful expenses in the future (ie: your wedding) might be something you want to consider (even if you don’t believe you’ll ever get married. Fuck I didn’t for sure, and I’ve been made to eat those words!)

I mean this consumerism situation has gotten so out of hand that seeing engaged couples recruiting randoms via Kijiji ads to attend their Stag & Does just so they can raise enough money for their upcoming nuptials has become a regular thing! Really?! I don’t know about you but I frankly am rather uncomfortable with the idea of sharing anything related to my “special day” with strangers, not to mention I question what kind of individual(s) would attend the Stag & Do of a couple they’ve never met just to offer them money. People are generally pretty damn purse-clutching when it comes to their finances (especially these days), and that sort of altruism is rarely seen without some sort of underlying agenda (ie: maybe they need to launder their dollar bills? Just a thought.).

Maybe I’m at an advantage here because my pop’s an insurance advisor, but no matter what bad financial situation I’ve been in for the past several years, I’ve consistently put away $100-150 per month into a retirement savings plan for my future. When we were kids, and our parents bought us piggy banks, we seemed to have the right idea. We’d save, save and save until we had enough to purchase something really valuable to us, or better yet, we put it all into the bank for good. Somehow, as we grew older (and clearly NOT wiser), we decided instead that buying that video game or wasting all of our funds on getting trashed was sufficient for our futures. We could just plastic everything anyway and living in debt – well there’s certainly no longer a stigma attached to that as it’s become the norm.

But here’s the thing: you never know what the hell is going to happen in your life. You know that age-old expression, “even the best laid plans…” I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to spend my entire existence chained to a desk. Perhaps you should all be asking yourselves very seriously, “how much money do I actually have in the bank?” If you’re bargaining on surviving on just a few grand (or less) come hell or high water, you’ve got another thing coming to ya. Start saving now. Start saving while you’re still young. According to recent statistics, the average Canadian is not safe financially (ie: living comfortably with all the amenities I’m sure ma and pa still provide for many of you free of charge) at retirement age unless they’ve got a few million (YES, YOU READ CORRECTLY).    

Vol #2, Col #7: Service with a Smile

I remember even up to just a few years ago, the delight of being able to dock my car at a fuelling station for a fill-up and being greeted ever so politely by the attendants who were more than willing to oblige. The appropriate inquiries were made in regard to my gasoline preferences, and if I were in a rush or feeling particularly lazy, I didn’t even have to exit my vehicle to have my purchase processed and receipt hand-delivered. The best part of this experience was the fact that I knew my money was being well-spent and in said scenario, a gratuity didn’t have to be built right into the purchase for fear that it wouldn’t naturally be merited by the courteous staff.

Nowadays, any visit to a big box store will quickly prove that the so-called “customer service” agents are as ignorant as the general public when it comes to where anything is (or for that matter, whether the store even stocks the items in question). Moreover, by and large, said sales associates are seemingly too busy social networking to even bother to make momentary eye contact, while ringing through one’s purchases. To add insult to injury, if service is even provided (and that’s a big if), there’s a fairly high probability it’ll be with a grimace and sense of bitterness, rather than a wholehearted smile.

The ironic part about all of this, of course, is that as we continue to progress through the “information” age, the importance of maintaining strong relationships and developing interpersonal/communications skills is emphasized, all the while our actual contact with each other becomes increasingly superficial and disconnected (at least in “real” time).

While one is able to trace the roots of the aforementioned described worker-type alienation associated with menial labour back to Marx’s heyday during the time of the Industrial Revolution, there is clearly something more here at play.

I don’t think anyone has ever really had grand delusions that being a lifer at a supermarket or fast-food joint is a part of living the “(North) American Dream”. However, there was a point in recent history during which people were satisfied simply with the idea of having a job that allowed them to get by – that allowed them to pay their bills - and perhaps provided them with a bit of extra spending money so that they could occasionally treat themselves and/or savings money that they could put into an investment for their future retirement. They may not have been pursuing their ultimate passion in life, and several I’m sure quite likely hated the work that they did, but there was a sense of motivation to work hard, to work efficiently, and to work fast. It was understood that money did NOT in fact grow on trees, and the idea of getting oneself tangled up in credit card debt was something to be desired.

Comparatively speaking, the modern employee devotes far more time to gossiping with/about their colleagues and coming up with excuses for taking undeserved breaks, than actually working. Not only are we plagued with unionized workers who go on strike and demand higher wages during times of economic crisis, but further as recently reported in the news, incidents of on-the-job substance abuse are on the rise.

Inflation is definitely a factor. I mean one cannot reasonably deny that the expectations for the modern employee have risen while the benefits and pay-scale, in many cases, have remained stagnant (or worse decreased). The idea of hitting the “glass ceiling”, for young up and comers (BOTH men and women), due to the eradication of mandatory retirement and “seniority rules” has too likely contributed to a lack of motivation (why try so hard if there’s no room for growth?). Further, “credentialism” and accordingly, the amount of employees who are currently in “underemployed” positions (ie: positions for which they are overqualified) undoubtedly can be cited as a source of the development for the modern employees’ poor work ethic and poor attitude. BUT, I also think it’s generational. How else can you explain to me the striking contrast between the pleasantness of the older British woman and the general disinterest of the bubblegum-chewing teenaged girl; both of whom work as cashiers for the same low payrate at the pharmacy just down the road from my house (something too to consider is that the older woman likely has HIGHER expenses just based on demographic factors alone)?

A lot of you will likely hate me for saying this, but I think it comes down to the fact that frankly we’re too privileged. People my age and younger (in rich industrialized nations such as Canada, that is) have never had to worry about being drafted for a war, or developing a fatal condition due to poor sanitation and health regulations on the job. Most of us continue to be spoiled by our parents far past the point (and age) of reasonable. Further, the vast majority of the most undesirable and dangerous jobs have either been outsourced overseas or are completed by illegal migrant workers under the radar. As a consequence of all of this, a sizable portion of the youth population has developed a rather disgusting “sense of entitlement” – like they’re big shit and should be treated accordingly, without ever having to work for said status, and if you call them on this, they’ll go and cry to their employer (literally).

If this sounds like you, listen up and listen well. Barring extenuating circumstances (such as winning the lottery, being born a Hilton, or plainly just selling your soul), we all have to start at the bottom. Some of us are fortunate enough to rise up after years of recognized hard work and networking, while a good majority never get there (unfortunately a lot of this is still based on discriminatory treatment towards selected minority groups. Don’t be fooled by the delusion that we live in a fair meritocracy – we don’t.). But guess what? That latter group, as much as they may bitch and moan about being underappreciated and underpaid, are still thankful they’ve got money to put food on their tables. Perhaps a reality (and attitude) check is in order.

You may not have to worry about everyday expenses such as making sure there’s enough t.p. supply for your living quarters just yet, but when you do, you’ll realize pretty damn quickly that the world’s an expensive place, especially if you want to be able to take in some of the luxuries it has to offer. Maybe therefore, you should be thankful you have any job (and accordingly, thankful to the patrons of the establishment for keeping you employed) – whether you love or hate it. Bottom line: you’re there to work, so work.

Vol #2, Col #6: Let's Make a Date

There’s a difference in the eyes of men between a “bangable chick” and a “marriageable woman”. The reason I can be so certain of this is because the vast majority of my friends (I moonlight as a professional musician) are of the masculine gender (not to mention I have six older brothers) making me privy to conversations from which the average female is excluded.

Continuing on from last week’s discussion of personal attire and making “respectable” choices, it only seemed logical to remain within the romantic realm offering up to my fellow ladies once again a few additional tidbits; this time, in terms of attitude, expectations, and actions that ‘twill serve to transform you into the latter of the two aforementioned types.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated more than my fair share of losers (again I’m a musician, and rocker boys…well they’re bad news), but then I learned “The Rules”, and honest to god no more than a month after this intensive “mind re-tooling” I roped in my very own Mr. Right. How right is he you ask?

Well, from leaving roses on my doorstep in the middle of the night so that my early morning grogginess (and bitchiness) was combated as I ventured on to my day job to creating roadtrip cds containing each and every one of my most obscure favourites to planning a scavenger hunt of gifts for me on my bday timed precisely so that I’d discover a new treat every hour until he returned home from work to never missing a day when it comes to calling me beautiful, I think you get the picture.

But I’m not here to gloat about my own love life (and believe you me this is the first time in my entire existence that it has even been remotely “gloatable”). No, I’m here to tell you how you can have the very same kind of relationship.

While the business world dictates that the successful modern woman is aggressive and assertive, essentially mimicking the attributes traditionally associated with professional men, when it comes to dating, a woman who makes the first move is perceived as either 

a) easy 

or 

b) desperate; neither designation accords you long-term potential mate status. Let ME let YOU in on a secret: men LOVE a challenge.

On my and my fellow’s first date, I intentionally arrived 15 minutes late. I told him he could only see me again if he were lucky, and I also made certain that I would not be the one texting, calling, or emailing him to make plans. When he did call, I didn’t always pick up the phone, and if he left a message, I didn’t always return it.

Now these actions may scream out to uneducated “Rules” women that I wasn’t putting in my fair share, and consequently, I was going to drive him away because he’d get the wrong impression that I wasn’t into him, but on the contrary my dears, it was all a test. If he wanted me for more than just a little hanky-panky, he had to show it, and the only way I (or any woman) could ascertain his true intentions was/continues to be by being able to evaluate the consistency of his efforts. In layman’s terms, if you get a man on a routine (ie: there’s an expectation that he’s to call nightly at a given hour, for example), any deviation in his pattern will indicate to you there’s a problem in the relationship (barring extraneous circumstances), therefore potentially saving you from seriously devastating heartbreak (which none of us obviously want or deserve).

So why is all of this important? Well, let’s face it ladies, we are naturally more emotional creatures, and we get attached to others much easier. I’ve known a slew of women who have mistaken their “maternal instincts” (their desire to help others through care and nurturance) with their “huntress instincts” (their sex and romantic drives) leading to unfortunate co-dependent relationships wherein they play the roles of mother, housekeeper and bedmate simultaneously (not cool, any healthy relationship is mutual in ALL areas). On the converse, I’ve also known many women who have made excuses for lousy specimens of men, insisting their cheating was only a one-time thing, and that they are perfectly okay with their mates’ addictions to porn and other oh-so-productive drugs of choice.

Don’t kid yourself – we don’t work the same way. Women can’t just fuck and be satisfied. The ones that claim they can are lying to you and themselves, and almost invariably suffer from serious distorted perceptions of their own self worth.

The point is that, “nobody’s gonna wanna buy the cow if you’re giving away the milk for free”. So, just as I suggested to you last week to class it up clothing-wise if you desire to be treated as a person (not a nice set of jugs), I also suggest you re-tool your dating protocol if you’ve found yourself dating anyone similar to my exes. The best place to start? Pick yourself up a copy of Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s “The Rules”.

The most important thing to get out of all of this is this: don’t sell yourself short. Going to a fast food joint is NOT an acceptable standard for a date, and meeting men at bars or gyms RARELY leads to anything more than you becoming next week’s locker room gossip. Be coy. Be mysterious. Leave him wanting more, instead of giving it all upfront (I mean that from an emotional, dating history, and physical stance). 

Think back to the days where marriages actually lasted…the one night stand scene gets old real fast and promoting promiscuity is stupid (not to mention all of the diseases and unnecessary pregnancies it leads to).

Vol #2, Col #5: Destination Unknown

‘Tis the season NOT to be jolly (well, unless of course you feel so inclined), but rather to hit the road, set up shop in a summertime soiree resort, and/or leave on a jet plane to some exotic destination. The solstice is fast approaching, and so it only seemed natural to write about the typical itinerary that year after year seems to accompany said weather. If you catch my drift, I’m referring to the long pinned for summer vacation.

After a hard go at school and/or full-time work, once the birds start their chirping, and the flowers begin to bloom, we all get that feeling - that feverish desire to construct one’s days entirely around basking in the sunlight. Spring and summer are after all generative times (ie: the seasons of rebirth), so this desire to explore new terrain – a “summer fling” if you will (vacation and otherwise) – is only natural. Wherein lies the problem, however, is how “contemporary tourism” is done.

While I hate to stereotype, there’s something to be said about how our friends from down South, in particular, do the whole “let’s visit a foreign country thing.” Last June while I was on vaca in Athens checking out the one and only Acropolis (undoubtedly one of the most amazing sites one can ever hope to experience in the flesh in terms of witnessing monumental history), is unequivocally where I encountered the worst of the “contemporary tourist” offenses I can imagine.

As I was coming down the peak headed back toward ground level, I heard two Americans behind me quibbling back and forth, stating how they didn’t get the “big deal” associated with this place. It was, according to one of them, and I quote, “just a bunch of rocks.” So here I am, a diehard fanatic of all things Ancient Greek and Roman, experiencing absolute euphoria because I just got the opportunity to view a part of history in person that I only fantasized about every time I read my textbooks, having to overhear blatant ignorance and a lack of appreciation for the history and longstanding impact with which this place was/continues to be associated. Suffice it to say, it was harder than you can imagine for me to keep my mouth shut.

But even in more mundane circumstances, it seems that tourism has gone all wrong. We stay at five star resorts just to sun our buns and get drunk in the hotels’ pools with their built-in bars. We order burgers and fries, instead of daring to give a “taste-test” to the local ethnic cuisine. We go on organized adventure tours with fellow wayfarers, rather than interact with the locals. We relegate ourselves to the upscale “touristy” parts of town, instead of getting in with the “nitty gritty”.

Despite the fact that their impulse to travel was almost exclusively fuelled by imperialistic aspirations (and we all know what went along with those), the globe-trotters of the past KNEW how to truly “discover” somewhere. In fact, gents like Alexander the Great (well, maybe not so great), took to immersing himself into the “strange and new” cultures of the places he travelled to such an extent that he began to adopt their dress, along with some of their customs (something that didn’t fare well with his military, but that’s a whole nother story in itself).

The point my dears is that if you are lucky enough, in the first place, to be able to jet-set around this fine planet of ours, you should embrace every moment for its full potential. It’s rather ethnocentric to desire to lead the same kind of life one does back home in Canada, while stationed in a villa in the midst of the Costa Rican rainforest.

For those of you looking for a form of tourism that’s even more rewarding personally and as a bonus assists in alleviating social issues, consider going on a “volunteer vacation.” From planting trees in areas plagued with environmental degradation, to teaching English as a second language, to assisting with wildlife conservation, not only can you get a taste for the “true” culture of a people and a land (not just the superficial nicely packaged tourist version), but further you can do the world some good. Hats off to ya sailors! Land ho!

Vol #2, Col #4: Perhaps Some “Dressing” for the Occasion?

I guess in some ways, I’m still really like a little kid. At the tender age of 26, I still jump on any excuse I have to get all “glam-ed” up and spend a night out on the town. But unlike the “modern woman”, to me, putting on my “Sunday’s Best” is NOT equated with finding a napkin-sized piece of fabric to cram my bits and curves (for better or for worse) into. Accordingly, I’m one of the few (it would seem) dames that harkens back to a time when the expression “it’s better to leave something up to the imagination” was abided by.

Now, I suppose you could blame my mother for exposing me to the “finer things” in life as a young child (by way of mandatory etiquette training), but I don’t see anything wrong with taking pride in one’s personal grooming habits; moreover, I don’t claim any issue with the idea of presenting oneself as “classy” or “respectable”. Perhaps if more women went this route (and I’m sorry if I’m being harsh on you ladies, but this is for your own good), the media AND men wouldn’t feel so entitled to constantly objectify us (but that’s a whole nother discussion in itself).

I think it goes without saying that the advent of the micro mini deserves a sizable amount of blame in this whole equation, but where things really went awry was in the late 1970s with the coming of the so-called “Sexual Revolution.”

At one point in its glory days, the Western white women’s fight for equality/liberation – a battle against a discriminating social structure (ie: patriarchy) - was a unified movement known by the now-blacklisted word “feminism”. Somewhere along the lines, extremist parties formed within this movement leading to divisiveness in regards to both the feminist agenda and feminist message.  

What started out as a simple request by women to be recognized as persons (oh we’re so demanding!) and therefore entitled to human rights (much the same way African Americans fought for their civil liberties) became a battle largely between two opposing forces:

1) the radicals (ie: those who, in the most extreme cases, insist on lesbian relationships, and the avoidance of marriage as it further entrenches women into the patriarchal social structure) and

2) the liberals (ie: those who are to blame for the enactment of such things as Ontario’s “topless” legislation); it is the latter group that is of interest to this article.

Influenced by the “free-love” ideals of the hippie era, the liberals subscribed to Hugh Hefner and Playboy’s vision of the “new woman”: embracing strip-teasing, flashing, exhibitionism, and self-objectification as an indication of their brand of “empowerment”. Despite buying into and perpetuating the VERY SAME submissive, sexually-available (more importantly, EASY), and unsophisticated image of women that had been DESIGNED BY and FOR men, the liberals somehow rationalized to themselves that because they were now the ones “owning” this image that they were now in charge of it…if we simply look to the unrealistic beauty standards and expectations that continue to be thrust upon women by the media (we should especially note the genders of the CEOs of these media outlets), and the incidence of cosmetic surgery, not to mention eating disorders among the fairer sex, I think it goes without saying that these “libers” were WRONG.

But even taking this bit of complicated social history out of the picture, honestly, as a female AND someone who is very clear in her own heterosexuality, when a woman’s got all her goods on display for the world to see, EVEN I HAVE DIFFICULTY STARING HER IN THE FACE, so how could I expect anything less from straight members of the opposite sex?

The point I’m trying to make is that “dressing up” has become synonymous with “dressing down” or in fact, wearing close to nothing at all… and my friends, what you wear has consequences (ie: unwanted attention for one thing, not to mention the judgments/assumptions that go along with certain wardrobe choices). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a few mini-skirts and clingy numbers that accentuate my bodice that I will whip out upon occasion, but there’s a time and place for everything.

While I thought it went without saying, it would seem that some of you need a reminder: if a clothing item is found in the boudoir section of a store, it likely means that’s where it is suppose to be worn. Class it up girlfriends. Lingerie and low-cut shirts = inappropriate for the academic environment, just the same as ripped jeans and Axel Rose bandanas should NEVER (I repeat NEVER) be worn to the theatre (and this is coming from a die hard rock'n'roller!).

Vol #2, Col #3: PC…How’s About We Change it to “Polite Candidness”?

A few summers ago while on vacation with my mom, I attended a feminist-oriented executive women’s business club meeting. While the evening’s programming, special guest speaker, and food were most agreeable, I couldn’t help but raise a brow to the events that unfolded during the introductory segment.

Like any typical businesspersons’ gathering, after a brief mingling period, the event’s facilitator proceeded to take charge, going around the room asking each and every individual to introduce herself and list her occupation. Now this activity was all well and good, and at first, “business” seemed “as usual”. BUT after several of these brief personal overtures, something started to strike me as very odd: THE APPLAUSE (and NO the vast majority of the attendees were NOT social goodwill ambassadors! Quite the opposite really…real estate agents and bankers).

While I’m all for honouring the rules of decorum, and in fact agree that using euphemisms or the “compliment” then “constructively criticize” technique is often necessary (oh we humans are so so sensitive), when we have to praise people simply for standing up and stating their names/occupation, I gotta say perhaps we’ve taken “political correctedness” a tad too far.

At one point during these “Hello how are yous?” the facilitator actually had to step in, demanding that the applause ceased as it was eating away too much at the time devoted to the guest speaker! 

Although Jerry Seinfeld pointed out in one of his most notable 90s monologues that apparently the average American is more afraid of speaking in public than dying (YES dying, you read correctly), I find it hard to believe that anyone could be successful in the business world without such an ability, and therefore beyond the fact that this seemed overly and unnecessarily polite, I question the grounds on which someone (well actually many persons) felt that clapping was necessary in this circumstance?

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like we’ve gotten a little too comfortable with the idea of receiving gratuitous praise for everything, including menial seemingly “idiot-proof” tasks. Like honestly, what’s going to be next? Should I shake your hand because you can successfully make your bed and brush your teeth at the age of 25? Or maybe it’ll be considered an accomplishment to be able to spell one’s own name correctly at 30? I mean it’s getting to the point wherein if you have to confront and/or criticize a co-worker, or peer at school (at least in my experience), you basically have to “baby talk” to them as though you’re a preschool teacher in order to protect their tender egos.

Somewhere along the lines, we either set the bar REALLY low or coddled each other to such an extend that the average person’s self-esteem is entirely contingent on receiving well-regard from others. To the latter statement, I have only one piece of advice: grow a backbone.

I won’t lie, I just as much as the next person don’t like receiving negative feedback on my work as I put my heart and soul into everything I do, and so when I’m criticized it’s hard not to take it personally. However, I’m not so fragile that I consider standing up and merely stating who I am worthy of acclamation.

Perhaps the mixed messages we received in childhood, however, are partly to blame. I mean, which is it: Is honesty truly the best policy OR is it better to say nothing at all if you have nothing nice to say?

While I’m one who tends to (with few exceptions) “walk on the wild side” in support of the former, I tell you in truth, “facing the music has” has been nothing but a lonely road (and yes my overuse of euphemisms was entirely deliberate there – aren’t I clever? Oh wait, I forgot I don’t need my ego constantly stroked to know I’ve got a reasonable amount of intelligence...but flattery from my man? Well, that’s certainly nice upon occasion).